Why is it when I send my kid off to somewhere; camp, a movie, youth group, school...why do my insecurities as a child sneak up? I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I had the neighborhood kids I played with, but looking back, not sure they wanted to play with me, or if I just was "in the neighborhood" so we played. Grade School was a nightmare. I was always made fun of and never had "bffs" as they say now. I remember going to swimming lessons and I had so many friends that I showed up for the wrong lessons and no one noticed until the lessons were nearly over...not the leaders, not the kids, no one. So as I sent my daughter off to camp this week, I had high hopes she would be accepted, have a group of friends that loved her and just generally have a wonderful time. I had full expectations of that and I was really standing on that, until I saw a photo posted today on FaceBook of the girls from our youth group. Melia is standing off by her self, leaning on the wall, looking lost. My heart is breaking right now and I can't do anything for her. Not that she would want me to. I some time wonder if I am the reason my kids never seem to fit in...if My insecurities have been so deeply embedded into their personalities that they are doomed to a life of mine. Even as an adult, I find myself becoming more of an introvert, not because I want to be, but it is a way to protect myself from hurts and lack of "bffs". What have I done to these 5 wonderful kids? Why would the Heavenly Father hand these capable, amazing humans to me...so I can mess them up?!
I know that when I accepted Jesus as my Savior and made him the Lord of my life, I was instantly accepted and loved in more ways that I could possibly understand. I know that I have the mind of Christ and that I am still growing in Favor with God and man. How do I convey that to my sweet 13 year old daughter? The one who is awkward, has acne and is "over the top" to cover up her insecurities. (I was like that growing up...you either are over the top, or fade into the background. It seems I've switched as an adult)
What can I do about this today? I can pray and trust that God doesn't make mistakes. He handed these children into my care and I'm sure he knows that I can do it...whatever "it" is. I will pray for her that she is having an awesome time and that the camera just caught her thinking about other things. That she has great friends and they are forming bonds and "bff" status among the group and she will walk away with more love for the Father and her fellow race than she had before she left. I will pray God will guard her heart and not let it get bruised during this week...and I will cry myself to sleep as I do.
July 21, 2014...off to camp
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